This week has been a rough one

I have a lot to write about today more so because I have the time and I have to catch up on things I've been wanting to blog about. You may see two more blogs after this one due to the fact that I'm unable to post like I would like. However- here we go.... My Mom had dental surgery and ever since I knew she was going to have major surgery in her mouth I knew I would go and care for her, especially since I stay home with the girls, it wasn't a problem b/c I have the time and I'm able to do it. Well, try taking care of your mom with a toddler and a very new infant around. hahahaha... I thought it would be easy b/c we were at my grandparents house and my grandmother was there and she had the baby, let's just say the baby didnt want to cooperate because she's so use to mommy and always wants mommy due to me nursing her all the time. They have a huge house with a ton of stairs so I was running up and down the steps taking care of my mom and the babies which was fine until Madison wanted one thing after the other then the baby wouldn't stay in her bouncer for more than 5 mins. I would put the baby to sleep and Madison would come by and wake her up some how (like she always does! UGH) and I would have to start all over again with Mallorie. Then Madison was talking extremely loud. Everyone such as my mom, myself, and my grandparents couldn't handle the noise  I  mean she is LOUD sometimes! I immediately started getting a migraine and everything she and Mallorie would do I would get more aggravated. I had to cut of Mallorie's onesie because she "went" and when I say it got everywhere, it got Everywhere! To make a long story short and stop all of my ramblings by the end of the night the ate and Madison fell out on the floor and went to sleep. I didn't bother her, normally I would move her so she could be comfortable or so I wouldn't have to step over here but she did so much that day, I had to discipline her more than I wanted to, and she wouldn't listen to anything anyone was telling her.... I left her there until it was time to go. Mallorie eventually fell asleep in her car seat, never really happens unless we're in the car but it happened and I didn't bother her either. I left with a headache and prayed to God when I got home and begged asked him if I could get a good night's sleep. Needless to say, my prayer was answered! I am so terribly sorry for my ramblings but it was hectic. All of this happened Wed and Thurs. Wed was Extreme and Thursday wasn't so bad but it wasn't that great of a day either. I wanted to blog about it as soon as I got home but I was so exhausted and emotional I couldn't do it. I just wanted to sleep....

38 weeks Pregnant and a Bad Mom!

Being pregnant  38 weeks pregnant and having a toddler around is more difficult than I thought it would be. I am SO tired and I have no energy to play with her like I should and I feel so bad. I have to force myself and when I actually do play with her its only for about 5-10 mins and I'm done. The weird thing is that my nesting has kicked in and I have energy for that and that's about it. I love being a S.A.H.M but right now at this very moment I feel like the worse mommy in the world. She wants my time but I'm 2 weeks away from having her sister and I am TIRED! Tired of being pregnant, Tired of not being able to lay on my belly at night while I sleep, Tired of eating ALL the time, Tired of going to the bathroom 6 times a night (at least that's what it seems like), Tired of not being able to have crazy sex with my husband, Tired, tired, tired, tired..... I'm not complaining but I'm just tired! However, I am READY to meet baby Mercy.... I just want to hold her and kiss her:-) 

I wish Madison could understand what mommy is going through but I know she doesn't;-( It's just really hard for me right now... She has really been a trooper b/c she has been entertaining herself for the most part but I just miss our time together. I normally just sit in the bed all day and watch reruns of Law & Order SVU or Criminal Minds, read blogs, or play spider solitaire. 

I'm just ready to get back to my old self even though I think I may miss being pregnant and I'm eager to meet the little one!

i'm seperating myself

I realized that there are times when you have to separate yourself from family, friends, and even some peers who may not seem to care about your feelings but who always put you down no matter what is going on and if it affects you as a person then you have to be mature about the situation and say enough is enough and do it in a mature way and remove yourself from ppl who consistently have something to say to you. Today was the last day that I will allow them to say comments about me. Well, they can talk but I told myself I will just separate myself when they come around. It can be 15 of us sitting around and guess who there main target is.....................................ME....................................and I'm so sick of it! Some may say that I'm acting like this b/c I'm pregnant and that may be true to a certain extinct but for the most part I have been fed up with this for years but it seems like I always find myself around them and they're at it again. Its so petty but it bothers me. I'm always their target and enough is enough. I know sometimes they are joking but its every 5 minutes when I'm around them and a person can only take so much. When other ppl are around I'll ask "Am I the only person you see right here?" I ask that b/c everyone else is ignored and I am always picked on. Sometimes I may have a blonde moment (LOL) but I mean alot of them have it and nobody says anything, I could say somethings back to them that would really hurt (I feel myself getting to that point, that's why I have separate myself) but I won't allow myself to stoop to their level. If you're in a situation where you feel like someone is affecting your self-esteem, you don't feel appreciated, or you find yourself aggravated every time you're around them. Find the courage and strength to separate yourself and no your self worth and don't allow anyone to talk down to you and make you feel less than what you are. One thing I found out, is that when ppl see other ppl do it to you (especially your family) they will (outsiders) will feel that is ok and that's not right. You must stand your ground and let ppl know that you're human just like they are and you have feelings like everyone else and if they can't respect that, then you know what you have to do. I love my family but I'm human and I'm fed up. Anyway, I'm tired of going on about this nonsense but that's how I felt today so until next time! Peace